How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
