you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize