Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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