can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
