I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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