using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
