Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
