i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
