highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
