is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
