Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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