could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize