Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
