508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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