Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there's paper in my vomit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
