I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
