Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
