could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
