Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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