True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
