Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
