i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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