Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize