so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
