her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
