she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
