I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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