Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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