their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
