Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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