UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
