a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So squirting runs in the family.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
