I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there was a trapeze. enough said
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
