Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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