the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
