So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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