Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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