i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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