dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
