I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
