I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
