It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
