why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
