the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
