This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
