I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
