that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize