Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
