I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
