Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
