in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
