this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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