its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
