My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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