I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
