If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
