he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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