Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
