Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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