i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
