i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i dont even know how to be here
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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