I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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