why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize