Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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