She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize