She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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