It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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