You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
