Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
