I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
