Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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