One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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