Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
