Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
