you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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