Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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