Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
