You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
